The situation:

You want to do something. Move something forward. Create a new idea, do something new. You have had a lot of ideas and aspirations before but, somehow you’re feeling stuck and frustrated. Blocked and stagnant, you feel like resigning. What is it that you want to do that isn’t moving forward?

The culprit:

Pressure. When we are under pressure, our creativity can only tolerate a certain amount before it says “I’m out!”. Under reasonable pressure, creativity can flow like a great river. However, for each of us, we have a certain threshold, and when that threshold is surpassed, creativity gets crushed and fizzles.

What pressure?

Pressure can be external or internal. Either way, if there more weight on getting something done out of a “should” or a “must”, the less space there is for creativity to come out and play. Creativity is essentially a free energy that expresses itself in a variety of ways. Sure, under tremendous pressure, artists and performers in many fields may have created “excellence” of sorts, but that does not mean that they did it with originality or a creative mindset of producing something new and inspiring in the moment. The more toxic influence of course is internal pressure “I should come up with something now!” or “why am I so stuck, come on do something interesting!” or “figure this out, or else!” are examples of our inner companions that can turn creativity sour and dull and render it lifeless.

What can you do, right now?

Notice the voices in your mind that chatter away at you and comment on everything. Ask if they are “freeing” or if they are giving you more pressure. See if you feel like your playful energy is allowed to come through as a result of the attitudes circulating in your mind or if they seem to give you a buzz kill. After you get a good hang of it, ask yourself what you need to feel free and spontaneous. You might be surprised at the answers that come at you when you ask this question and wait. This may sound easy to you or very bizarre – all the while, the process is really about moving away from pressure and reconnecting with our inner life-force that is full of new ideas. Letting it come through requires opening the door to your inner child who is free of “should’s” and “should nots” and it more interested in curiosity and exploration and play. Think of it as the playful eight year old version of you who will smile and play if given the chance.

Having trouble getting in the mood to start a task? A project? A chore?We avoid or postpone doing things for many reasons. Our minds and hearts are often not on the same page about a task that’s on our to-do list. It could be that the task at hand is something that’s preventing you from doing something more fun or more urgent or following up on some interruption… and there can be a whole set of reasons that together encourage you to avoid, avoid, avoid…

On The Lighter Side: Reasons for avoiding can be many and cannot be narrowed down to a singular reason all the time. It’s a matter of context and your own particular set of hang-ups that prevent you from getting started on a job.

If it’s on the Lighter Side: It could be that your environment is not conducive to your work. If you’re working in an office that does not have adequate noise control and your work requires quiet – then the environment is not helping. If on the other hand, you are way too comfortable and in your pyjamas and working at home seems like a mammoth task – you are right: your environment is not helping you get in the work zone at all.

On the Deeper Side: The not-so-light things that can make you avoid starting tasks can be diverse. As you go deeper into the obstacles within you that are preventing you from initiating work, you might find inner obstacles that have less to do with your environment and more to do with your psyche.

Our inner, intangible world is seldom a place that we find easy to explore. If we do look inward, we might find it a bit messy with competing tasks calling for our attention, hopes, ambitions, pressures, passions, anticipations, wounded feelings, a sense of exhaustion, confusion, anxiety to get everything done… and further down, you might find a sense of meaninglessness in the tasks that are directly in front of you, because of those buried existential concerns like “why am I stuck in this job at this age?” or “who am I really working for?” or “am I happy in this marriage?” or “if I don’t pass this exam, I’m screwed and my life is over” or “I’m never going to be seen as competent” or “I need to work to survive but I hate my life and my work”… you get the idea.

What to do? Where to start? Although the best idea to get rid of a problem is by resolving the deeper roots, not everyone is ready, nor willing, nor necessarily capable of addressing deeper issues right away. However, here are some tips to get you started:

Dress for the Occasion. By preparing to wear specific clothing that reflects the nature of what we are about to do, we send a message to our psyche that our energy is now to be redirected to a task that we are about to start.

Install Reflection Time. Every day, set time to reflect upon what is on your plate and how you would like the day to unfold. Having a mental picture of what you need to do and how to do it can solidify your aims for the day, making it easier to start projects.

Simply Prepare, Before Doing Anything. Is it studying you need to get done? The don’t worry about studying. Spend a few minutes laying out the books that you need to study. Perhaps a note pad and pen? Get those. Perhaps an extra lamp because it’s too dark? Get that. If it’s getting errands done, what do you need for the errands? Put those at the door. You get the idea.

Clear The Space. By clearing the space from ALL that is unrelated to your task, you are clearing the mind and saying to it “it’s time to let go of everything else” and you mind comfortably focuses.

Keep The End In Sight. This is crucial in a couple of ways, to say the least. First, by limiting the time spent on a task, you are framing it – you are telling your mind and your energy to do whatever it needs to do WITHIN a boundary of time. Secondly, having an image of how things will look as you finish within your time frame, it helps to have a clearer idea of what you are trying to accomplish. Often, imagining outcomes can also help to give you a reality check in terms of what is really attainable today or this week, etc.

These are only a few pointers that can facilitate starting a task or project. There are many more of course. On the deeper obstacles, solutions may require more reflection and time to understand what might help or what inner work needs to be done. Deeper obstacles require deeper work.

Long-Lasting ChangeCounselling & therapy can help resolve the deeper issues in ways that can leave you feeling liberated and more motivated to get things started. For example, if a deeper issue in your life involves a difficultly say no to tasks that are given to you because of a life-long tendency to please people, you might be taking on more tasks that you are reasonably able to handle and this could be burning you out. Other issues may have to do with trauma, a lack of structure in your life, childhood wounds around a sense of competence, emotionally chaotic relationships… the list goes on. Seeking professional help can bring these deeper issues to light in a way that can pave the way to better ways of coping, less to cope with and strategies to develop strength and excitement in your daily activities.

If you are interested in seeking professional help or would like to inquire, call: 514-594-1215 

What happens when we lose something?A lot depends on what we’re losing. Usually, losses that bring hardship are those that involve the end of a relationship. We lose people in our lives to distance, to changes in lifesetyle, to divorce and separation or ultimately, to death.

Changes in our relationships happen, even though we like to live under the blanket of ”happily ever after”. Not everyone goes through the same losses, although we all go through some form of loss or another during our lives. Loss can be one of the hardest challenges of life, while it can also be a great gift in disguise, as strange and unacceptable as this may sound.

When we lose someone, a part of us is lost with them. In any relationship, we unconsciously hope and dream a future with them. We have a rich imagination of what is yet to be, even though we might not be aware of it. We may envision our relationship, whether with a family member, a significant other or a friend, to grow in a certain way, bringing future comforts and celebrations. Our minds are cast into a future when we are in relationships. We expect a ”happily ever after” path with them, and this is normal.

When that relationship ends for whatever reason, we are faced with that imagined future. Whether we like it or not, we are face to face with a very scary reality: that future we imagined, that pathway towards beautiful things: is not going to happen. We suffer the sudden fall from the heights, everything might seem hopeless, pointless and you sink.

Such is the normal nature of having an imagined positive future suddenly fade and you are not able to do anything about it. This is the loss of meaning that accompanies loss.

Making Sense After Loss: How to Find Meaning AgainGrieving is a normal process that requires time and processing. After a loss occurs, it is normal to sink for a while. After all, you are facing a period of redefinition: what just happened? How could this be happening?

Sometimes, however, that process can become a problem if it gets you stuck. We might end up feeling helpless and hopeless long after the loss and this can be a problem. What we are faced with is a challenge to redefine meaning after the loss. This process must be welcomed and embraced.

In order to make sense out of endings, we need to incorporate our loss into the new story of our continuing life. We take on the loss, however painful it may be, and use it for bettering our lives and for those around us, rather than festering in hopelessness. It is a conscious choice that we must make, to look pain in the eyes and say: I will embrace you and work with you to make things better. Avoiding the pain can make it linger and poison your relationships, cause internal stress at work and potentially make life harder on you.

Take the time to patiently re-weave the ending into a chapter of your life rather than seeing it as the ending of the book of your life. It is a gradual process and the more you embrace the loss and make it part of the ongoing story of your life, the easier it will become to honour yourself and grow from the experience for better things yet to come.

If you are dealing with a loss or end of a relationship and you are having difficulty coping, call 514-594-1215 for professional grief counselling, or for more information. I would be happy to answer your questions if you call in person.

Arash Kameli, MA, CCC