You work so hard. You are doing so many things to improve the quality of your life. You are doing your best to make your relationships more fulfilling. 

And yet, something may be missing. Where's the quality of life?

Maybe it seems to you like something is wrong or unsatisfying and you can't quite put your finger on it. What if it's not what you are doing, but what you are ALLOWING that could be poisoning your quality of life?

The things that we ALLOW can be more insidious; things that are poisonous and can be eating away at our well-being, at our productivity and our sense of contentment. Arthur Schopenhauer, a renowned German philosopher highlights the significance of relationships in the quality of our lives in his quote that: "Almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people." Some have critiqued this as a pessimistic view, while others take stock in the deep key that can unlock the source of improving the quality of our lives: that it is through the quality of our relationships that we experience an improved quality of life. While relationships may not be where all of our happiness stems, they do in fact determine a great deal of our sense of satisfaction and contentment with life. Toxic relationships poison our lives, nurturing relationships help us feel content and able to see the joy in life. When we feel held by your relationships, we can grow and feel safe to explore ourselves and our world. When we are in the midst of poisonous relationships filled with doubt, uncertainty or a sense of confusion, we are at our most vulnerable. 

How is all this going to help improve the quality of your life? Knowing what you are willing to entertain in your life and what you are NOT willing to entertain makes it possible to be the designer of your life's quality. Rather than passively allowing people to determine how you feel about yourself, you become the architect, the overseer of what is and what is not acceptable in your relationships. How you go about instilling new limits on what you consider acceptable and not, is a life skill that you develop through practice. Don't beat yourself up for not always being able to set limits and boundaries, it is a work in progress. Simply stay close to the continued learning and growing process when it comes to setting limits and cutting out toxic behaviours or toxic people with whom you sense there may be no hope of setting limits. This is a major part of improving the quality of your life. 

If we are not mindful, toxicity can take root and diminish the quality of your life. What we permit, takes root and grows. Whether it be poison or nourishment, harm or kindness, evil or compassion. What we allow, will take root and grow branches. 


Find this helpful? Please SHARE to help someone who may benefit and COMMENT below. Your input is always welcome. 


For relationship and personal counselling, CALL: 514-594-1215 for in depth and personalized sessions. Feel free to email: info@kamelicounselling.com for questions or to book your first appointment for those of you looking to improve your quality of life through personal development. 

The events in the early half of the day in Ottawa today, this 22nd day of October, 2014, has left a good many number of people in and out of Ottawa, across the nation and across the globe wondering "How could something like this be happening in Ottawa, Canada?" 

Ottawa is known for its quaint, picturesque and calm atmosphere: the capital of the friendly nation of Canada that sparks a smile to people around the world. And yet, this morning's events left Ottawans trapped inside their work offices looking outside their windows at an Ottawa filled with guards, security, police and forces, armed with guns and panic and paranoia. At the very site of our National War Memorial, a soldier's life ended, leaving Ottawans confused, shocked, and putting into question their sense of security and comfort.

It is with good reason that we should be worried and fearful. At a time like this, it may be the number one thing you may want to remember: there is no need to talk anyone out of their fears or concerns. Instead simply listen, validate that this is a hard and tragic event and remind yourself and others that it is in our basic instincts to be nervous when we perceive danger. If we are able to stay close to our fears and acknowledge them, they usually subside. Once we let our acceptance of the recent events sink in, it is also normal to feel sad, confused, in disbelief and decide how you want to deal with the fall out. Everyone has their own way. And this is OK. 

Others may need extra support for dealing with the fallout of today's events, seek support from family, friends, colleagues and whoever you feel comfortable to talk to. For those who are living in Ottawa or who have family/friends in Ottawa, know that there is a number you can dial and talk to someone at the Ottawa Distress Centre at: 613-238-3311. We are glad to know that our men and women in uniform are working ever so hard in their trained profession of keeping us safe and secure and have quickly dealt with today's threats without any hesitation and only with fierce bravery and courage. We thank them deeply.

Events like these can bring about a deep reflection free from the noise of everyday life. I believe that it is BECAUSE of the tragedies in our lives that we must gladly welcome the burden of responsibility to find ways and means to stay strong, to believe in life, and to bravely continue to perpetuate love, compassion, kindness and life. What do you think? 


- Arash Kameli

In all matters of mental health care and getting the most out of your day, your career, your relationships, always remember: BIOLOGY FIRST. 

BIOLOGY FIRST> What does that mean? You might guess rightly that when we want to ensure that we get the best out of our day, we must always ensure that we are doing our very best to take care of our biological needs first and foremost. Always remember: Your Body First. Without that, it can be more challenging to pursue our dreams/careers/responsibilities and achieve our goals. 

HERE ARE SOME FOCUS POINTS TO REMEMBER: 

Biological needs: there is a wealth of information for ways to develop suitable and effective ways to ensure adequate and appropriate: sleep, exercise and nutrition. Actively seeking to improve the ways in which you unwind and rest; stimulate your body in exercise and provide your body with nourishment are essential. 

Needs vary: Do not fall for the trap of trying to follow plans and ideals because "so-and-so says I should have 8 hours of sleep". Our needs vary and depend on a combination of what our genetics have determined (e.g. how you naturally expend energy) 

Regularity: Having regular patterns makes it less stressful for your body. The more adjusting your body needs to make, the harder it can be for your body to have free energy to spend on other things. It does not mean that you need to become militant about attending to your bodily needs, but that 

Sexual Needs Are Part of It: Remember that we also have sexual needs that need to be integrated in our lives. Our sexual needs are also essential. Often, this is not talked about or simply ignored as a basic need. Different people have different ideas about what is the norm for them. Remember to respect your own level and form of sexual needs and remember that if they are also integrated into your life, being productive in other aspects of your life can become easier. 

Enjoy and En-joy some more: Remember that if we are able to make our experiences enjoyable, it becomes less of a task and more of a rewarding experience. Even doing difficult or otherwise mundane tasks can easily take on a different feeling if we are able to reorient ourselves and instill joy / to "en-joy" our activities and responsibilities. After all, wouldn't it be a pleasure to experience less stress and more joy in our self-determined standards of the quality of our lives? 

Medical Attention: Always ensure, to the best of your ability, that you are addressing your health issues and maintaining good care. Once again, needs here vary, and whatever you can do maintain your body's health in as far as your are able to do so - you are ensuring a wider scope for your mental and emotional health. 

Remember: Your body and healthy functioning are a FOUNDATION for your improved performance and quality of life. Always: Biology and your body first!

These are some ways that you might find helpful as a crucial starting point for dealing with stress, anxiety, discontentment and/or mental health issues. For more in depth assessment and support towards feeling better and thriving, feel free to CALL: 514-594-1215 or contact info@kamelicounselling.com to ask a question or to book an appointment. 

All the best and Happy Friday! 

-Arash Kameli, MA, CCC