Knowing about boundaries and actually placing limits are two very different things. 

To know that you have a need for certain boundaries is not the same as instilling boundaries. Why is this important?

The process of learning about boundaries is a starting point. You may have learned over time that you need to place a limit around how much time you spend on Facebook or other social media, you may have realized after much thinking that you would do better to read your unfinished books, or apply for that job that's been on the back burner for a while... but now you may be facing a new problem: you know all this, but putting them into practice now seems like a new challenge. And yes, it is. Perhaps not for everyone, but it definitely is a new level of practice: of making it happen in your day-to-day life. 

This takes practice. You can use whatever means at your disposal: reminders, reflections, commitments, but the idea remains the knowing of boundaries is distinct from the setting of boundaries. 

Knowing this can help guide you when you are tempted (which is normal when you are making changes in your habits) to fall back into older patterns of behaving.

Fear not: your goal is to remember that you are practicing a new habit and before it takes hold, you may fall back into old patterns, repeat old ways that can discourage and dissuade you from your commitment to change. Development and change are not always linear, and that's OK. Next time you fall back on forgetting to instill a personal boundary, step back, accept and learn from it. Do not use it to discourage or dissuade you from your growth and practice for positive change. Staying on track is a practice of its own. Fall if you have to, get up when it's time and continue.

Good luck on practicing placing limits! 

For more on boundaries, see the link to Boundaries on the right.

Personal counselling is offered at long-distance (Skype/other) and in-person sessions with Arash Kameli, MA, C.C.C., who will be able to professionally process specific challenges you may be facing and help you reach your goals faster and enjoyably. If you are interested in personal counselling for your own life/career goals, call: 514-594-1215 (confidential voicemail) or contact Arash Kameli by clicking here. You will get a response in 24 business hours. 

Got questions? Feel free to ask here. 

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You may have heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
​It's often depicted in this pyramidal form:

Abraham Maslow, a renowned researcher and author in the area of the psychology of human motivation, peak experiences and self-actualization, described a hierarchy of needs: that needs have a sense of levels or layers, built on top of each other. How is this of any help to you? Here's how: 

Before you can achieve your all of your goals, it is important to know that your goals have a sense of order: that some things must come before others can really take shape. Our motivations tend to start at the most urgent of levels: the physiological / biological. If our sleep, food, basic shelter, sexuality, health, are in question or unsupported, other goals are going to be hard or even impossible to reach. At the base of the needs is our biological security and basic needs. 

Maslow's hierarchy goes as follows, from the most basic, to the highest level: 

1. Biological / Physiological needs
2. Safety needs
3. Love / belonging needs
4. Esteem needs
5. Self-Actualization

While Maslow's hierarchy is one of many possible ways of looking at your needs, you can quickly refer to it to get a snap shot of your needs in a clearer order. It can help focus your attention on where you may be need to be spending more energy in order to secure yourself before you run into the next level. It can help you ask the questions necessary to get an overall sense of the picture of your life right now and where you want to aim your energy as you are building upwards. 

So, if your life seems to have fallen apart or lost, this pyramid can be a powerful and effective tool to use, right now. Just as the pyramid needs a strong and wide foundation to build upon, so do you. Have a look at the levels of the pyramid and do a quick assessment with the question to guide you "How is my life right now with this pyramid in mind?" Have a look at the pyramid image above and reflect on each level in your life right now. What is satisfied? What needs attention? What routines do you want to put in place to ensure that your needs are met, and in what order do you need to go about doing that to best fit your life situation and needs right now? 

While these self-help guides and tips may be helpful, the help of a trained professional may be very helpful in determining what your needs and obstacles are. Given availabilities, you can book an online/long-distance (Skype/other) sessions or in-person consultations for your personal counselling needs, in Montreal with Arash Kameli, MA, C.C.C. for highly personalized services that meet your needs. To find out more or to book your first session, call: 514-694-1215 OR visit the contact page here to send a message. You will get a response in 24 business hours. 

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