For personalized individual or couples counselling, feel free to consult the website: www.kamelicounselling.com and/or share with a friend or loved one who may benefit from the gift of feeling better. #montreal #counselling #share #therapyforthemotivated
Clients often want a quick-fix, solution-focused, easy-to-do homework assignment to miraculously erase a problem forever. While the goal is understandable & obviously desirable, impatience is hazard that can create more problems than solve. This then becomes the first psychoeducation process to guide clients towards understanding that impatience can itself block progress. Paradoxically, clients quickly progress by approaching problems slowly, methodically and effectively.
For personalized individual or couples counselling, feel free to consult the website: www.kamelicounselling.com and/or share with a friend or loved one who may benefit from the gift of feeling better. #montreal #counselling #share #therapyforthemotivated
Knowing about boundaries and actually placing limits are two very different things.
To know that you have a need for certain boundaries is not the same as instilling boundaries. Why is this important?
The process of learning about boundaries is a starting point. You may have learned over time that you need to place a limit around how much time you spend on Facebook or other social media, you may have realized after much thinking that you would do better to read your unfinished books, or apply for that job that's been on the back burner for a while... but now you may be facing a new problem: you know all this, but putting them into practice now seems like a new challenge. And yes, it is. Perhaps not for everyone, but it definitely is a new level of practice: of making it happen in your day-to-day life.
This takes practice. You can use whatever means at your disposal: reminders, reflections, commitments, but the idea remains the knowing of boundaries is distinct from the setting of boundaries.
Knowing this can help guide you when you are tempted (which is normal when you are making changes in your habits) to fall back into older patterns of behaving.
Fear not: your goal is to remember that you are practicing a new habit and before it takes hold, you may fall back into old patterns, repeat old ways that can discourage and dissuade you from your commitment to change. Development and change are not always linear, and that's OK. Next time you fall back on forgetting to instill a personal boundary, step back, accept and learn from it. Do not use it to discourage or dissuade you from your growth and practice for positive change. Staying on track is a practice of its own. Fall if you have to, get up when it's time and continue.
Good luck on practicing placing limits!
For more on boundaries, see the link to Boundaries on the right.
Personal counselling is offered at long-distance (Skype/other) and in-person sessions with Arash Kameli, MA, C.C.C., who will be able to professionally process specific challenges you may be facing and help you reach your goals faster and enjoyably. If you are interested in personal counselling for your own life/career goals, call: 514-594-1215 (confidential voicemail) or contact Arash Kameli by clicking here. You will get a response in 24 business hours.
Got questions? Feel free to ask here.
You may have heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
It's often depicted in this pyramidal form:
Abraham Maslow, a renowned researcher and author in the area of the psychology of human motivation, peak experiences and self-actualization, described a hierarchy of needs: that needs have a sense of levels or layers, built on top of each other. How is this of any help to you? Here's how:
Before you can achieve your all of your goals, it is important to know that your goals have a sense of order: that some things must come before others can really take shape. Our motivations tend to start at the most urgent of levels: the physiological / biological. If our sleep, food, basic shelter, sexuality, health, are in question or unsupported, other goals are going to be hard or even impossible to reach. At the base of the needs is our biological security and basic needs.
Maslow's hierarchy goes as follows, from the most basic, to the highest level:
1. Biological / Physiological needs
2. Safety needs
3. Love / belonging needs
4. Esteem needs
While Maslow's hierarchy is one of many possible ways of looking at your needs, you can quickly refer to it to get a snap shot of your needs in a clearer order. It can help focus your attention on where you may be need to be spending more energy in order to secure yourself before you run into the next level. It can help you ask the questions necessary to get an overall sense of the picture of your life right now and where you want to aim your energy as you are building upwards.
So, if your life seems to have fallen apart or lost, this pyramid can be a powerful and effective tool to use, right now. Just as the pyramid needs a strong and wide foundation to build upon, so do you. Have a look at the levels of the pyramid and do a quick assessment with the question to guide you "How is my life right now with this pyramid in mind?" Have a look at the pyramid image above and reflect on each level in your life right now. What is satisfied? What needs attention? What routines do you want to put in place to ensure that your needs are met, and in what order do you need to go about doing that to best fit your life situation and needs right now?
While these self-help guides and tips may be helpful, the help of a trained professional may be very helpful in determining what your needs and obstacles are. Given availabilities, you can book an online/long-distance (Skype/other) sessions or in-person consultations for your personal counselling needs, in Montreal with Arash Kameli, MA, C.C.C. for highly personalized services that meet your needs. To find out more or to book your first session, call: 514-694-1215 OR visit the contact page here to send a message. You will get a response in 24 business hours.
This is no small ingredient. This is major:
Are you living out of intention?
Or out of reaction?
When we live out of intention, we are in charge and we have direction.
When we live out of reaction, we are at the mercy of the world to decide what we should or should not do. In other words, we don't have direction when we give power up to others or to triggers. And we are surrounded by triggers: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the doorbell, the commercial on TV, that influential person in our lives, that idea, it goes on... and it is happening all around you. We have direction, control and authority over our lives when we can stay close to our intentions. Our wishes and our goals: Our direction.
Here is the insight: if you are living your day-to-day ruled by whatever triggers are around you and only out of triggers that draw you into a million distractions (which all seem just as exciting or important), then we are forever at the mercy of the external world. Like floating in an ocean. At the very worst, when we want to accomplish goals and we are simultaneously living our lives predominantly in reaction to our surroundings, we are floating. Floating means that you are not in charge of your life and that you go where the wind blows you. Which isn't anywhere in particular. In fact, this is a recipe for feeling down on yourself, feeling like you are going nowhere and feeling low on your self-esteem and your confidence continuously suffers.
You cannot afford to lose any confidence if you want to feel good and accomplish your goals. In fact, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-efficacy are like fuels that you must find ways to recuperate, refill, daily and hourly if need be, in order to stay grounded and motivated and on track.
When we find ways to stay close to what you intentionally choose, decide, want - out of your day, your relationships, your goals and dreams - then we have direction, and instead floating aimlessly, we are in charge of where we are headed and the way opens.
Take a step now: Arash Kameli has helped clients find out and resolve obstacles with clients facing a variety of problems. See how personal counselling may help you resolve emotional and/or other obstacles to your success. Call 514-594-1215 (Skype/online counselling service available!) email: firstname.lastname@example.org or contact directly at: Kameli Counselling
You work so hard. You are doing so many things to improve the quality of your life. You are doing your best to make your relationships more fulfilling.
And yet, something may be missing. Where's the quality of life?
Maybe it seems to you like something is wrong or unsatisfying and you can't quite put your finger on it. What if it's not what you are doing, but what you are ALLOWING that could be poisoning your quality of life?
The things that we ALLOW can be more insidious; things that are poisonous and can be eating away at our well-being, at our productivity and our sense of contentment. Arthur Schopenhauer, a renowned German philosopher highlights the significance of relationships in the quality of our lives in his quote that: "Almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people." Some have critiqued this as a pessimistic view, while others take stock in the deep key that can unlock the source of improving the quality of our lives: that it is through the quality of our relationships that we experience an improved quality of life. While relationships may not be where all of our happiness stems, they do in fact determine a great deal of our sense of satisfaction and contentment with life. Toxic relationships poison our lives, nurturing relationships help us feel content and able to see the joy in life. When we feel held by your relationships, we can grow and feel safe to explore ourselves and our world. When we are in the midst of poisonous relationships filled with doubt, uncertainty or a sense of confusion, we are at our most vulnerable.
How is all this going to help improve the quality of your life? Knowing what you are willing to entertain in your life and what you are NOT willing to entertain makes it possible to be the designer of your life's quality. Rather than passively allowing people to determine how you feel about yourself, you become the architect, the overseer of what is and what is not acceptable in your relationships. How you go about instilling new limits on what you consider acceptable and not, is a life skill that you develop through practice. Don't beat yourself up for not always being able to set limits and boundaries, it is a work in progress. Simply stay close to the continued learning and growing process when it comes to setting limits and cutting out toxic behaviours or toxic people with whom you sense there may be no hope of setting limits. This is a major part of improving the quality of your life.
If we are not mindful, toxicity can take root and diminish the quality of your life. What we permit, takes root and grows. Whether it be poison or nourishment, harm or kindness, evil or compassion. What we allow, will take root and grow branches.
Find this helpful? Please SHARE to help someone who may benefit and COMMENT below. Your input is always welcome.
For relationship and personal counselling, CALL: 514-594-1215 for in depth and personalized sessions. Feel free to email: email@example.com for questions or to book your first appointment for those of you looking to improve your quality of life through personal development.
The events in the early half of the day in Ottawa today, this 22nd day of October, 2014, has left a good many number of people in and out of Ottawa, across the nation and across the globe wondering "How could something like this be happening in Ottawa, Canada?"
In all matters of mental health care and getting the most out of your day, your career, your relationships, always remember: BIOLOGY FIRST.
BIOLOGY FIRST> What does that mean? You might guess rightly that when we want to ensure that we get the best out of our day, we must always ensure that we are doing our very best to take care of our biological needs first and foremost. Always remember: Your Body First. Without that, it can be more challenging to pursue our dreams/careers/responsibilities and achieve our goals.
HERE ARE SOME FOCUS POINTS TO REMEMBER:
Biological needs: there is a wealth of information for ways to develop suitable and effective ways to ensure adequate and appropriate: sleep, exercise and nutrition. Actively seeking to improve the ways in which you unwind and rest; stimulate your body in exercise and provide your body with nourishment are essential.
Needs vary: Do not fall for the trap of trying to follow plans and ideals because "so-and-so says I should have 8 hours of sleep". Our needs vary and depend on a combination of what our genetics have determined (e.g. how you naturally expend energy)
Regularity: Having regular patterns makes it less stressful for your body. The more adjusting your body needs to make, the harder it can be for your body to have free energy to spend on other things. It does not mean that you need to become militant about attending to your bodily needs, but that
Sexual Needs Are Part of It: Remember that we also have sexual needs that need to be integrated in our lives. Our sexual needs are also essential. Often, this is not talked about or simply ignored as a basic need. Different people have different ideas about what is the norm for them. Remember to respect your own level and form of sexual needs and remember that if they are also integrated into your life, being productive in other aspects of your life can become easier.
Enjoy and En-joy some more: Remember that if we are able to make our experiences enjoyable, it becomes less of a task and more of a rewarding experience. Even doing difficult or otherwise mundane tasks can easily take on a different feeling if we are able to reorient ourselves and instill joy / to "en-joy" our activities and responsibilities. After all, wouldn't it be a pleasure to experience less stress and more joy in our self-determined standards of the quality of our lives?
Medical Attention: Always ensure, to the best of your ability, that you are addressing your health issues and maintaining good care. Once again, needs here vary, and whatever you can do maintain your body's health in as far as your are able to do so - you are ensuring a wider scope for your mental and emotional health.
Remember: Your body and healthy functioning are a FOUNDATION for your improved performance and quality of life. Always: Biology and your body first!
These are some ways that you might find helpful as a crucial starting point for dealing with stress, anxiety, discontentment and/or mental health issues. For more in depth assessment and support towards feeling better and thriving, feel free to CALL: 514-594-1215 or contact firstname.lastname@example.org to ask a question or to book an appointment.
All the best and Happy Friday!
-Arash Kameli, MA, CCC
Modern life demands that we do many things in very little time and spend a great deal of that time thinking, processing, planning, executing, following-up on things-to-do… very often leaving us in a state of exhaustion and irritability. Yet the basic things that we want from life are simple and straightforward: good rest, enjoyable activities, meaningful work, healthy relationships, time spent with loved ones and good physical health.
Now add to that the sea of expectations and demands placed on you during a 24-hour period, a week, a month… soon you might find yourself running about getting things done and the routine tasks and obligations may start to suck the life out of us: making us feel dull and tired emotionally and spiritually.
Sometimes what we need is simply to STOP. For a moment.
To stop and consider our lives. To reflect on what we are doing and for who and for what purpose. Tasks and demands will never end, especially if you are blindly accepting everything that comes your way.
So a KEY to opening yourself to a less stressed and more meaningful lifestyle is to STOP and examine your motives, your goals and your daily burden of tasks. What do you really need to do? Must you really deliver on all those things? You might be thinking “Well, yes… I cannot afford to let go of the demands of family life or of my job!” And you are right. But look more closely. Do you really need to do EVERYTHING on the list of things-to-do in all areas of your life? On closer inspection you might want to ask yourself:
How much of it can be negotiated? Reduced? Not everything is black & white. If we look closely we might find that the spectrum of things that need to be done can be wider than we assume. How much of a thing do you really need to do that could be simply, reduced?
Eliminated?What if they can be entirely removed? If you look mindfully at the demands that are placed on you, whether by yourself or another, is it necessary? Perhaps not. Perhaps not doing certain things can leave the space for you to do the remaining things better. Like spending time to rejuvenate, or spend quality time with a significant other, family member, your child.
Delegated?What if some of the things are being added to your plate could be gladly received and done by someone who is willing to help? Not only could this be helpful, but also an opportunity for forging new partnerships or supportive relationships.
Reflecting upon our current lifestyle can be a crucial starting point to alleviate stress. If you are feeling overwhelmed due to stresses or challenges that have to do with deeper problems, contact Arash Kameli at: 514-594-1215 for stress management counselling.
You want to do something. Move something forward. Create a new idea, do something new. You have had a lot of ideas and aspirations before but, somehow you’re feeling stuck and frustrated. Blocked and stagnant, you feel like resigning. What is it that you want to do that isn’t moving forward?
Pressure. When we are under pressure, our creativity can only tolerate a certain amount before it says “I’m out!”. Under reasonable pressure, creativity can flow like a great river. However, for each of us, we have a certain threshold, and when that threshold is surpassed, creativity gets crushed and fizzles.
Pressure can be external or internal. Either way, if there more weight on getting something done out of a “should” or a “must”, the less space there is for creativity to come out and play. Creativity is essentially a free energy that expresses itself in a variety of ways. Sure, under tremendous pressure, artists and performers in many fields may have created “excellence” of sorts, but that does not mean that they did it with originality or a creative mindset of producing something new and inspiring in the moment. The more toxic influence of course is internal pressure “I should come up with something now!” or “why am I so stuck, come on do something interesting!” or “figure this out, or else!” are examples of our inner companions that can turn creativity sour and dull and render it lifeless.
What can you do, right now?
Notice the voices in your mind that chatter away at you and comment on everything. Ask if they are “freeing” or if they are giving you more pressure. See if you feel like your playful energy is allowed to come through as a result of the attitudes circulating in your mind or if they seem to give you a buzz kill. After you get a good hang of it, ask yourself what you need to feel free and spontaneous. You might be surprised at the answers that come at you when you ask this question and wait. This may sound easy to you or very bizarre – all the while, the process is really about moving away from pressure and reconnecting with our inner life-force that is full of new ideas. Letting it come through requires opening the door to your inner child who is free of “should’s” and “should nots” and it more interested in curiosity and exploration and play. Think of it as the playful eight year old version of you who will smile and play if given the chance.
Having trouble getting in the mood to start a task? A project? A chore?We avoid or postpone doing things for many reasons. Our minds and hearts are often not on the same page about a task that’s on our to-do list. It could be that the task at hand is something that’s preventing you from doing something more fun or more urgent or following up on some interruption… and there can be a whole set of reasons that together encourage you to avoid, avoid, avoid…
On The Lighter Side: Reasons for avoiding can be many and cannot be narrowed down to a singular reason all the time. It’s a matter of context and your own particular set of hang-ups that prevent you from getting started on a job.
If it’s on the Lighter Side: It could be that your environment is not conducive to your work. If you’re working in an office that does not have adequate noise control and your work requires quiet – then the environment is not helping. If on the other hand, you are way too comfortable and in your pyjamas and working at home seems like a mammoth task – you are right: your environment is not helping you get in the work zone at all.
On the Deeper Side: The not-so-light things that can make you avoid starting tasks can be diverse. As you go deeper into the obstacles within you that are preventing you from initiating work, you might find inner obstacles that have less to do with your environment and more to do with your psyche.
Our inner, intangible world is seldom a place that we find easy to explore. If we do look inward, we might find it a bit messy with competing tasks calling for our attention, hopes, ambitions, pressures, passions, anticipations, wounded feelings, a sense of exhaustion, confusion, anxiety to get everything done… and further down, you might find a sense of meaninglessness in the tasks that are directly in front of you, because of those buried existential concerns like “why am I stuck in this job at this age?” or “who am I really working for?” or “am I happy in this marriage?” or “if I don’t pass this exam, I’m screwed and my life is over” or “I’m never going to be seen as competent” or “I need to work to survive but I hate my life and my work”… you get the idea.
What to do? Where to start? Although the best idea to get rid of a problem is by resolving the deeper roots, not everyone is ready, nor willing, nor necessarily capable of addressing deeper issues right away. However, here are some tips to get you started:
Dress for the Occasion. By preparing to wear specific clothing that reflects the nature of what we are about to do, we send a message to our psyche that our energy is now to be redirected to a task that we are about to start.
Install Reflection Time. Every day, set time to reflect upon what is on your plate and how you would like the day to unfold. Having a mental picture of what you need to do and how to do it can solidify your aims for the day, making it easier to start projects.
Simply Prepare, Before Doing Anything. Is it studying you need to get done? The don’t worry about studying. Spend a few minutes laying out the books that you need to study. Perhaps a note pad and pen? Get those. Perhaps an extra lamp because it’s too dark? Get that. If it’s getting errands done, what do you need for the errands? Put those at the door. You get the idea.
Clear The Space. By clearing the space from ALL that is unrelated to your task, you are clearing the mind and saying to it “it’s time to let go of everything else” and you mind comfortably focuses.
Keep The End In Sight. This is crucial in a couple of ways, to say the least. First, by limiting the time spent on a task, you are framing it – you are telling your mind and your energy to do whatever it needs to do WITHIN a boundary of time. Secondly, having an image of how things will look as you finish within your time frame, it helps to have a clearer idea of what you are trying to accomplish. Often, imagining outcomes can also help to give you a reality check in terms of what is really attainable today or this week, etc.
These are only a few pointers that can facilitate starting a task or project. There are many more of course. On the deeper obstacles, solutions may require more reflection and time to understand what might help or what inner work needs to be done. Deeper obstacles require deeper work.
Long-Lasting ChangeCounselling & therapy can help resolve the deeper issues in ways that can leave you feeling liberated and more motivated to get things started. For example, if a deeper issue in your life involves a difficultly say no to tasks that are given to you because of a life-long tendency to please people, you might be taking on more tasks that you are reasonably able to handle and this could be burning you out. Other issues may have to do with trauma, a lack of structure in your life, childhood wounds around a sense of competence, emotionally chaotic relationships… the list goes on. Seeking professional help can bring these deeper issues to light in a way that can pave the way to better ways of coping, less to cope with and strategies to develop strength and excitement in your daily activities.
If you are interested in seeking professional help or would like to inquire, call: 514-594-1215
Trained therapist to help you with your uniques needs in anxiety, anger, depression and couples issues.