You have a million things on the go and don't know where to start. 

You get an hour or even a half hour and you are excited you can use this time so well to get so much done...

You have a day off and think to yourself, "Today I am going to get everything done! Yes!"

You're at your office desk and think, "Ok, today is the day I am going to be efficient... I will get enough done." 

So you sit at the task at hand and FREEZE. You don't know why, but you just can't start. It's not happening. Then you get upset with yourself for not starting. It gets worse. Time passes and now you have lost valuable time and feel all the more heavy. Sound familiar? 


If so, fear not. There is a simple and powerful little something you can do to resolve that difficulty starting. Try this behavioural tip and see it do wonders for your stress reduction, anxiety, guilt and all those unpleasant feelings you may have, including for some of us, a panic attack that can leave us feeling debilitated in a negative cycle. 

The tip: Instead of doing the task you are having a difficult time starting, PREPARE for the task and lay out the setting for it. What does this mean? Here's an example: You need to produce a document for work or school and can't seem to get started. Instead of thinking about the entire project, focus only on one simple little mission: setting the stage. Is it in the office or living room you will be working? Do you need specific books for the task? Do you need to have a calculator, paper, or anything else that relates to the work? Are there things that are NOT related to this task? If so, CLEAR them away, we are setting the stage for something else. 

What this seems to do is to let our mind focus, not on the large and amplified and possibly scary or unpleasant task itself, but only on the preparation for it. In doing so, not only does you mind become clearer, focused and less overwhelmed, it also gets a chance to get into a different and calmer, easier orientation. Afterall, it's much easier to set up a stage than to do the performance itself. 

While it may not be the only resolution or quick-fix for what may be a more complex affair, try this and see how it could work for you. 

To address deeper origins of issues similar to this in your own case, you can seek a personal therapist who can help decipher and resolve other factors that may be involved. 

For more information or to book your own appointment with a professional, call: 514-594-1215 (long distance, Skype/Facetime sessions may be available). #montreal #therapy #personalcounselling #stress #anxiety #panic #procrastination

Clients often want a quick-fix, solution-focused, easy-to-do homework assignment to miraculously erase a problem forever. While the goal is understandable & obviously desirable, impatience is hazard that can create more problems than solve. This then becomes the first psychoeducation process to guide clients towards understanding that impatience can itself block progress. Paradoxically, clients quickly progress by approaching problems slowly, methodically and effectively.
For personalized individual or couples counselling, feel free to consult the website: www.kamelicounselling.com and/or share with a friend or loved one who may benefit from the gift of feeling better. #montreal #counselling #share #therapyforthemotivated

Knowing about boundaries and actually placing limits are two very different things. 

To know that you have a need for certain boundaries is not the same as instilling boundaries. Why is this important?

The process of learning about boundaries is a starting point. You may have learned over time that you need to place a limit around how much time you spend on Facebook or other social media, you may have realized after much thinking that you would do better to read your unfinished books, or apply for that job that's been on the back burner for a while... but now you may be facing a new problem: you know all this, but putting them into practice now seems like a new challenge. And yes, it is. Perhaps not for everyone, but it definitely is a new level of practice: of making it happen in your day-to-day life. 

This takes practice. You can use whatever means at your disposal: reminders, reflections, commitments, but the idea remains the knowing of boundaries is distinct from the setting of boundaries. 

Knowing this can help guide you when you are tempted (which is normal when you are making changes in your habits) to fall back into older patterns of behaving.

Fear not: your goal is to remember that you are practicing a new habit and before it takes hold, you may fall back into old patterns, repeat old ways that can discourage and dissuade you from your commitment to change. Development and change are not always linear, and that's OK. Next time you fall back on forgetting to instill a personal boundary, step back, accept and learn from it. Do not use it to discourage or dissuade you from your growth and practice for positive change. Staying on track is a practice of its own. Fall if you have to, get up when it's time and continue.

Good luck on practicing placing limits! 

For more on boundaries, see the link to Boundaries on the right.

Personal counselling is offered at long-distance (Skype/other) and in-person sessions with Arash Kameli, MA, C.C.C., who will be able to professionally process specific challenges you may be facing and help you reach your goals faster and enjoyably. If you are interested in personal counselling for your own life/career goals, call: 514-594-1215 (confidential voicemail) or contact Arash Kameli by clicking here. You will get a response in 24 business hours. 

Got questions? Feel free to ask here. 

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You may have heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
​It's often depicted in this pyramidal form:

Abraham Maslow, a renowned researcher and author in the area of the psychology of human motivation, peak experiences and self-actualization, described a hierarchy of needs: that needs have a sense of levels or layers, built on top of each other. How is this of any help to you? Here's how: 

Before you can achieve your all of your goals, it is important to know that your goals have a sense of order: that some things must come before others can really take shape. Our motivations tend to start at the most urgent of levels: the physiological / biological. If our sleep, food, basic shelter, sexuality, health, are in question or unsupported, other goals are going to be hard or even impossible to reach. At the base of the needs is our biological security and basic needs. 

Maslow's hierarchy goes as follows, from the most basic, to the highest level: 

1. Biological / Physiological needs
2. Safety needs
3. Love / belonging needs
4. Esteem needs
5. Self-Actualization

While Maslow's hierarchy is one of many possible ways of looking at your needs, you can quickly refer to it to get a snap shot of your needs in a clearer order. It can help focus your attention on where you may be need to be spending more energy in order to secure yourself before you run into the next level. It can help you ask the questions necessary to get an overall sense of the picture of your life right now and where you want to aim your energy as you are building upwards. 

So, if your life seems to have fallen apart or lost, this pyramid can be a powerful and effective tool to use, right now. Just as the pyramid needs a strong and wide foundation to build upon, so do you. Have a look at the levels of the pyramid and do a quick assessment with the question to guide you "How is my life right now with this pyramid in mind?" Have a look at the pyramid image above and reflect on each level in your life right now. What is satisfied? What needs attention? What routines do you want to put in place to ensure that your needs are met, and in what order do you need to go about doing that to best fit your life situation and needs right now? 

While these self-help guides and tips may be helpful, the help of a trained professional may be very helpful in determining what your needs and obstacles are. Given availabilities, you can book an online/long-distance (Skype/other) sessions or in-person consultations for your personal counselling needs, in Montreal with Arash Kameli, MA, C.C.C. for highly personalized services that meet your needs. To find out more or to book your first session, call: 514-694-1215 OR visit the contact page here to send a message. You will get a response in 24 business hours. 

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This is no small ingredient. This is major:  

Are you living out of intention? 
Or out of reaction? 

When we live out of intention, we are in charge and we have direction.
When we live out of reaction, we are at the mercy of the world to decide what we should or should not do. In other words, we don't have direction when we give power up to others or to triggers. And we are surrounded by triggers: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the doorbell, the commercial on TV, that influential person in our lives, that idea, it goes on... and it is happening all around you. We have direction, control and authority over our lives when we can stay close to our intentions. Our wishes and our goals: Our direction. 

Here is the insight: if you are living your day-to-day ruled by whatever triggers are around you and only out of triggers that draw you into a million distractions (which all seem just as exciting or important), then we are forever at the mercy of the external world. Like floating in an ocean. At the very worst, when we want to accomplish goals and we are simultaneously living our lives predominantly in reaction to our surroundings, we are floating. Floating means that you are not in charge of your life and that you go where the wind blows you. Which isn't anywhere in particular. In fact, this is a recipe for feeling down on yourself, feeling like you are going nowhere and feeling low on your self-esteem and your confidence continuously suffers. 

You cannot afford to lose any confidence if you want to feel good and accomplish your goals. In fact, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-efficacy are like fuels that you must find ways to recuperate, refill, daily and hourly if need be, in order to stay grounded and motivated and on track. 

When we find ways to stay close to what you intentionally choose, decide, want - out of your day, your relationships, your goals and dreams - then we have direction, and instead floating aimlessly, we are in charge of where we are headed and the way opens. 

Take a step now: Arash Kameli has helped clients find out and resolve obstacles with clients facing a variety of problems. See how personal counselling may help you resolve emotional and/or other obstacles to your success. Call 514-594-1215 (Skype/online counselling service available!) email: [email protected] or contact directly at: Kameli Counselling 

You work so hard. You are doing so many things to improve the quality of your life. You are doing your best to make your relationships more fulfilling. 

And yet, something may be missing. Where's the quality of life?

Maybe it seems to you like something is wrong or unsatisfying and you can't quite put your finger on it. What if it's not what you are doing, but what you are ALLOWING that could be poisoning your quality of life?

The things that we ALLOW can be more insidious; things that are poisonous and can be eating away at our well-being, at our productivity and our sense of contentment. Arthur Schopenhauer, a renowned German philosopher highlights the significance of relationships in the quality of our lives in his quote that: "Almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people." Some have critiqued this as a pessimistic view, while others take stock in the deep key that can unlock the source of improving the quality of our lives: that it is through the quality of our relationships that we experience an improved quality of life. While relationships may not be where all of our happiness stems, they do in fact determine a great deal of our sense of satisfaction and contentment with life. Toxic relationships poison our lives, nurturing relationships help us feel content and able to see the joy in life. When we feel held by your relationships, we can grow and feel safe to explore ourselves and our world. When we are in the midst of poisonous relationships filled with doubt, uncertainty or a sense of confusion, we are at our most vulnerable. 

How is all this going to help improve the quality of your life? Knowing what you are willing to entertain in your life and what you are NOT willing to entertain makes it possible to be the designer of your life's quality. Rather than passively allowing people to determine how you feel about yourself, you become the architect, the overseer of what is and what is not acceptable in your relationships. How you go about instilling new limits on what you consider acceptable and not, is a life skill that you develop through practice. Don't beat yourself up for not always being able to set limits and boundaries, it is a work in progress. Simply stay close to the continued learning and growing process when it comes to setting limits and cutting out toxic behaviours or toxic people with whom you sense there may be no hope of setting limits. This is a major part of improving the quality of your life. 

If we are not mindful, toxicity can take root and diminish the quality of your life. What we permit, takes root and grows. Whether it be poison or nourishment, harm or kindness, evil or compassion. What we allow, will take root and grow branches. 


Find this helpful? Please SHARE to help someone who may benefit and COMMENT below. Your input is always welcome. 


For relationship and personal counselling, CALL: 514-594-1215 for in depth and personalized sessions. Feel free to email: [email protected] for questions or to book your first appointment for those of you looking to improve your quality of life through personal development. 

The events in the early half of the day in Ottawa today, this 22nd day of October, 2014, has left a good many number of people in and out of Ottawa, across the nation and across the globe wondering "How could something like this be happening in Ottawa, Canada?" 

Ottawa is known for its quaint, picturesque and calm atmosphere: the capital of the friendly nation of Canada that sparks a smile to people around the world. And yet, this morning's events left Ottawans trapped inside their work offices looking outside their windows at an Ottawa filled with guards, security, police and forces, armed with guns and panic and paranoia. At the very site of our National War Memorial, a soldier's life ended, leaving Ottawans confused, shocked, and putting into question their sense of security and comfort.

It is with good reason that we should be worried and fearful. At a time like this, it may be the number one thing you may want to remember: there is no need to talk anyone out of their fears or concerns. Instead simply listen, validate that this is a hard and tragic event and remind yourself and others that it is in our basic instincts to be nervous when we perceive danger. If we are able to stay close to our fears and acknowledge them, they usually subside. Once we let our acceptance of the recent events sink in, it is also normal to feel sad, confused, in disbelief and decide how you want to deal with the fall out. Everyone has their own way. And this is OK. 

Others may need extra support for dealing with the fallout of today's events, seek support from family, friends, colleagues and whoever you feel comfortable to talk to. For those who are living in Ottawa or who have family/friends in Ottawa, know that there is a number you can dial and talk to someone at the Ottawa Distress Centre at: 613-238-3311. We are glad to know that our men and women in uniform are working ever so hard in their trained profession of keeping us safe and secure and have quickly dealt with today's threats without any hesitation and only with fierce bravery and courage. We thank them deeply.

Events like these can bring about a deep reflection free from the noise of everyday life. I believe that it is BECAUSE of the tragedies in our lives that we must gladly welcome the burden of responsibility to find ways and means to stay strong, to believe in life, and to bravely continue to perpetuate love, compassion, kindness and life. What do you think? 


- Arash Kameli

In all matters of mental health care and getting the most out of your day, your career, your relationships, always remember: BIOLOGY FIRST. 

BIOLOGY FIRST> What does that mean? You might guess rightly that when we want to ensure that we get the best out of our day, we must always ensure that we are doing our very best to take care of our biological needs first and foremost. Always remember: Your Body First. Without that, it can be more challenging to pursue our dreams/careers/responsibilities and achieve our goals. 

HERE ARE SOME FOCUS POINTS TO REMEMBER: 

Biological needs: there is a wealth of information for ways to develop suitable and effective ways to ensure adequate and appropriate: sleep, exercise and nutrition. Actively seeking to improve the ways in which you unwind and rest; stimulate your body in exercise and provide your body with nourishment are essential. 

Needs vary: Do not fall for the trap of trying to follow plans and ideals because "so-and-so says I should have 8 hours of sleep". Our needs vary and depend on a combination of what our genetics have determined (e.g. how you naturally expend energy) 

Regularity: Having regular patterns makes it less stressful for your body. The more adjusting your body needs to make, the harder it can be for your body to have free energy to spend on other things. It does not mean that you need to become militant about attending to your bodily needs, but that 

Sexual Needs Are Part of It: Remember that we also have sexual needs that need to be integrated in our lives. Our sexual needs are also essential. Often, this is not talked about or simply ignored as a basic need. Different people have different ideas about what is the norm for them. Remember to respect your own level and form of sexual needs and remember that if they are also integrated into your life, being productive in other aspects of your life can become easier. 

Enjoy and En-joy some more: Remember that if we are able to make our experiences enjoyable, it becomes less of a task and more of a rewarding experience. Even doing difficult or otherwise mundane tasks can easily take on a different feeling if we are able to reorient ourselves and instill joy / to "en-joy" our activities and responsibilities. After all, wouldn't it be a pleasure to experience less stress and more joy in our self-determined standards of the quality of our lives? 

Medical Attention: Always ensure, to the best of your ability, that you are addressing your health issues and maintaining good care. Once again, needs here vary, and whatever you can do maintain your body's health in as far as your are able to do so - you are ensuring a wider scope for your mental and emotional health. 

Remember: Your body and healthy functioning are a FOUNDATION for your improved performance and quality of life. Always: Biology and your body first!

These are some ways that you might find helpful as a crucial starting point for dealing with stress, anxiety, discontentment and/or mental health issues. For more in depth assessment and support towards feeling better and thriving, feel free to CALL: 514-594-1215 or contact [email protected] to ask a question or to book an appointment. 

All the best and Happy Friday! 

-Arash Kameli, MA, CCC

The situation:

You want to do something. Move something forward. Create a new idea, do something new. You have had a lot of ideas and aspirations before but, somehow you’re feeling stuck and frustrated. Blocked and stagnant, you feel like resigning. What is it that you want to do that isn’t moving forward?

The culprit:

Pressure. When we are under pressure, our creativity can only tolerate a certain amount before it says “I’m out!”. Under reasonable pressure, creativity can flow like a great river. However, for each of us, we have a certain threshold, and when that threshold is surpassed, creativity gets crushed and fizzles.

What pressure?

Pressure can be external or internal. Either way, if there more weight on getting something done out of a “should” or a “must”, the less space there is for creativity to come out and play. Creativity is essentially a free energy that expresses itself in a variety of ways. Sure, under tremendous pressure, artists and performers in many fields may have created “excellence” of sorts, but that does not mean that they did it with originality or a creative mindset of producing something new and inspiring in the moment. The more toxic influence of course is internal pressure “I should come up with something now!” or “why am I so stuck, come on do something interesting!” or “figure this out, or else!” are examples of our inner companions that can turn creativity sour and dull and render it lifeless.

What can you do, right now?

Notice the voices in your mind that chatter away at you and comment on everything. Ask if they are “freeing” or if they are giving you more pressure. See if you feel like your playful energy is allowed to come through as a result of the attitudes circulating in your mind or if they seem to give you a buzz kill. After you get a good hang of it, ask yourself what you need to feel free and spontaneous. You might be surprised at the answers that come at you when you ask this question and wait. This may sound easy to you or very bizarre – all the while, the process is really about moving away from pressure and reconnecting with our inner life-force that is full of new ideas. Letting it come through requires opening the door to your inner child who is free of “should’s” and “should nots” and it more interested in curiosity and exploration and play. Think of it as the playful eight year old version of you who will smile and play if given the chance.